TRIAL

 She stood in front of the dressing table and looked in the big mirror on it, there was a girl, with a made-up and frowning face. Behind of her, there was a window with light blue curtains.

"If I hadn't seen him today, I would say ‘my beloved’ to this boy tomorrow," she said, addressing the girl in the mirror.

"Why did I go there and see him?! Why did I love him at all?! Why should I love such a boy?!"

She looked angrily at the girl in the mirror.

"I don't know whether I loved him or not. I separated from him behind the telephone."

Her eyes were closed.

"He told me what the separation is when I was leaving. But I didn’t understand what he said. I told that this is a simple separation, not anything more."

She winced. "Say something. Why are you looking at me in that way?!" addressed the girl in the mirror.

"What a stupid thought! Which love do you talk about?! I don’t know how these thoughts come to my mind!"

She took a breath and turned her back to the mirror.

"But it's not so. If I wouldn't love him, why did the sense of separation surround me?! I don't know! But what should I do with this new guy?! He is the one that best fits me. In this guy, I have found all things that I couldn't find in that guy."

She smiled.    

"But why did I feel so miserable when I saw him?! I felt such as I have lost something! I'm confused! What is this?! But I myself told him I don't love you, go away! I separated from him easily, I myself wanted this!"

She leaned her elbow on the table.

"But I have gathered undoubted reasons for separation! I condemned him with strong reasons. What am I searching for?! Why do I become so annoyed?! No, no, I was overcome by dark feelings. His nightmare has haunted me. How is it possible I love and miss him?! Why a person like me should love such a convict one?!!!"

She stumped.

"No, no, I love this boy. There is no comparison between these two. But why I was shocked when I saw that boy?! Perhaps I… No, no, no!!! I must love this boy. If this boy goes away, what will happen?! What should I do?! No, no, I don't love him. Suppose I loved him or I love him still, what is it for?! I don't understand why I feel so when I think about him!"

Her face went red and her hands trembled.

"No, his love arouses mixed feelings in me. Away from him, the devil of separation seizes me, I feel heaviness in my heart. But when I think about this boy, I don't feel strange. Even if I separate from him, nothing happens."

She smiled.

"Ok, that's it. This one is a good boy. Neither his love influences me nor makes me annoyed, besides his separation isn’t dreadful… But what should I do with that boy?! I must get rid of this separation in some way." 

She sighed.

"But as much as he lives and I live, the separation will continue. One of us must not live!"

She was startled.

"No, it's not possible, I must live, and I must remain. I have found a new one and I will call him ‘my beloved’ tomorrow! That boy should be dispelled from my life. What is he for?! I have got him what I need. I don’t need him. But as much as he lives, the separation will continue. He must not be here. The separation must come to end. Why should I die?! Convicts deserve death. He…"

She turned to the mirror again and looked at girl in it.

She burst into laughter!